Ship 10x faster with AI™ — now with 30% more intelligence*

Replace All Your Developers
With One Simple Tool™

Tired of paying six figures for developers who just write bugs and attend standups? Preventr leverages AI-powered quantum-synergistic blockchain-enabled technology to do literally everything. You're welcome.

Start Disrupting Now See the Magic ↓
$0
Revenue (we're pre-revenue)
∞
Developers Replaced
420%
Synergy Increase*

* Synergy not scientifically measurable. Results may vary. Probably.

Trusted by industry leaders who definitely paid us

🏭 Vandelay Industries 💾 Initech 📄 Dunder Mifflin 📱 Hooli 🎵 Pied Piper ✈️ Aviato 🌐 Globex Corp ⚡ Stark Industries 🏭 Vandelay Industries 💾 Initech 📄 Dunder Mifflin 📱 Hooli 🎵 Pied Piper ✈️ Aviato 🌐 Globex Corp ⚡ Stark Industries

Everything You Never Knew You Needed

Packed with industry-leading buzzwords and features that sound incredible in pitch decks.

🧠

AI-Powered Synergy Engine™

Our proprietary neural-symbolic-hyperdimensional AI creates synergies you didn't even know were synergizable. It's basically magic.

⛓️

Blockchain-Enabled DevOps

Every commit is minted as an NFT on our enterprise-grade blockchain. Immutable. Decentralized. Completely unnecessary.

⚛️

Quantum-Ready Pipelines

Our CI/CD pipelines are prepared for the post-quantum era. When quantum computers break all encryption, you'll be ready (to panic).

🚀

Zero-Code No-Code Low-Code Pro-Code

Whatever-code-you-want-code. Our platform adapts to your preferred level of not actually writing software.

📊

Real-Time Analytics Dashboards

Beautiful charts that show metrics you didn't know existed. Impress your boss with a heatmap of velocity-acceleration-vector-synergy.

🔐

Military-Grade Zero-Trust Security

We trust no one. Not you. Not your users. Not even ourselves. Our systems are so secure, nobody can use them.

It's Dangerously Simple

Three easy steps to replace your entire engineering department.

1

Sign Up (It's Free*)

Give us your email, your credit card "for verification", and your firstborn's GitHub username.

2

Press The Big Button

Literally one button. It says "Disrupt." We invested 18 months of R&D in making it glow.

3

Fire Everyone

Send the company-wide email. You know the one. "We're pivoting to an AI-first lean organization."

Pricing That Makes CFOs Cry

All plans include our patented Dynamic Value-Based Pricing Algorithm™ (it goes up when you're not looking).

Solo Disruptor

For the ambitious LinkedIn influencer.

$49 /dev/month
  • ✓ 1 developer replaced
  • ✓ Basic synergy metrics
  • ✓ Email support (we might reply)
  • ✓ Standard buzzword vocabulary
Start Disrupting
MOST POPULAR

Team Obliterator

For teams that are "right-sizing."

$499 /team/month
  • ✓ Up to 50 developers replaced
  • ✓ Advanced synergy dashboards
  • ✓ Priority support (we will reply)
  • ✓ Premium buzzword vocabulary
  • ✓ Custom "We're Pivoting" email templates
  • ✓ Quarterly disruption report
Obliterate Your Team

Enterprise Apocalypse

For companies that have given up.

Call Us
  • ✓ Unlimited developer replacement
  • ✓ Dedicated disruption consultant
  • ✓ White-glove offboarding support
  • ✓ Executive buzzword coaching
  • ✓ Custom blockchain integration
  • ✓ Your name on our "Visionaries" page
  • ✓ We send a fruit basket to laid-off devs
Book a Demo

What Our Totally Real Customers Say

These quotes are definitely fabricated 100% authentic.

★★★★★
"After implementing Preventr, we reduced our engineering headcount by 100%. The remaining team of zero is the most productive we've ever had."
BT
Brock Thunderstone
CEO, Vandelay Industries
★★★★★
"I used to have 200 engineers. Now I have a single dashboard that says "All Systems Optimal" in a soothing green. My board is thrilled."
JP
Jacqueline Powers
CTO, Hooli XYZ Division
★★★★★
"The synergy alone is worth 10x the price. I don't know what synergy means but this tool has so much of it. My gut says yes."
RM
Rex Moneybags
VP of Disruption, Globex Corp

Frequently Avoided Questions

Is this a real product? +
Define "real." Our landing page is real. The code? Also real. The value proposition? That's between you and your VC investors.
Will this actually replace my developers? +
Technically yes — in the same way that a Roomba "replaces" a professional cleaning crew. For small, simple messes it's fine. For everything else, you'll miss them terribly.
What does Preventr actually do? +
Great question! We've spent 24 months and $8M in seed funding trying to answer this. The short version: it prevents things. The long version: we're still workshopping it.
Is my data secure? +
Absolutely. Your data is encrypted with algorithms whose names we can pronounce. We store everything on servers protected by a very long password (it's "password123" — just kidding, or are we?).
Can I get a refund? +
Our refund policy is simple: if you can prove the product doesn't work, we'll give you a full refund. However, defining "work" requires a 47-page legal addendum. Good luck.

Ready to Make Your Developers Obsolete?

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